You can't have amethyst!

Rules, rules, rules...

There seems to be an endless list of rules and regulations when trying to organise a wedding, for example...

1. You must spend more than both you or your parents can quite rightly afford (the average wedding costs in the region of £18,000 these days!). The bigger the bank loan the happier your one day will be.

REMEMBER:  A huge monthly re-payment is a great and easy way to remember your wonderful big day and brings a nice grounding reality to your first few years of marriage!

2. You must have at least three complete nervous breakdowns (preferably with hair pulling, screaming and smudged mascara) before your big day (it is imperative the whole wedding is called off at least once during these episodes).

3. You must start planning the big day at least 7 years in advance. Please do not worry if you are yet to find your partner, during these initial stages this can be considered a benefit.

4. You must have incredibly over priced rings that look the same as everyone elses. Preferably choose a very expensive metal like platinum or palladium, that looks just like silver but who everyone you tell will know that they are in fact much more expensive.

5. You must choose one colour, and one colour only. This will be your official 'colour theme'. Diversion and deviation from the colour theme WILL NOT BE TOLERATED!

And finally....

6. Find a man who is willing to put up with your dramatic mood swings, hair traumas, bridesmaid wars and bouquet battles for the next 7 years. Do not worry if they are not the love of your life. Everyone knows its about the dress anyway!

This is why I have set up...

'The Alternative Wedding Company'

Our aim is to help you put on your own Festival! Glastonbury eat your heart out!!

We have all the ideas and means to make your wedding an all weekend extravaganza!